#59.  TOUCHED MY HEART

One tweet only....several words of testimony soaked into my heart like rain on prepared soil.  An appreciative thankful "Mom" had tweeted:

"I love that My 23 y/o still calls me Mommy my 

17y/o still sits on my lap & my 14 y/o son still 

kisses me Good bye...."

Something deep within my heart welled up as I read those beautiful words that painted pictures of deep love, bonding, and mutual admiration.  Of course my thoughts went to my own children, now fully grown with children of their own.  Although I know not to compare, it was difficult not to do so.  I have not seen my grandchildren for several years now though they live under a hundred miles away.  When people learn this truth their first question is, "Why?"

I give my response, then have to deal with either their pity or receive some compassion.  Yet the void within....the empty arms, the empty lap, the lack of photographs of family, the incredible lack of cherished memories, family gatherings, times of laughter and fun, all suddenly seem too much to bear.  Although on a daily basis with God's help I cope quite well, because His grace is sufficient. 

He has taught me that I am not responsible for the opinions of others.  I am responsible for my own actions, reactions, words, etc.  Consequently, it is with the utmost of respect that I have sought wisdom from God so as to know how to handle this 'lack of family connection' in an effective way.  Tears stream now as I allow myself to release some of the disappointments because of these "empty years".  Empty with regard to "family" ...whether it be a child running with open arms reaching for a hug; a child running to me with a report card after another successful year; a birthday celebration with cake, candles, gifts, lots of smiles, friends,  summer outings, hockey games, swimming, not to mention times of one on one where I can impart some of the wisdom God has given me.....  Truth is, not all families have such memories...mine are empty of such outings, and treasured one on one conversations.  Flat out EMPTY.

You see, not everyone gets together with family just because they have family members.  Sometimes they are separated geographically, yes, but sometimes it is because the children do not consider time with parents when they plan their priorities.  Time spent in the hockey arenas takes priority, or it is simply not convenient to go visit them.  If parents don't have a car it is even more detrimental to the relationship because it means the kids can't sit home and just wait for them to visit.  It means picking them up, or inviting them and waiting for the bus to bring them.  Much easier to do nothing which is making a decision to reject.  I know because it happened to me.

 After two years of crying the Holy Spirit helped me to see a different perspective and I was set free.  Free from condemnation, because it is only natural to blame yourself as you wonder why such a thing would happen.  Also I was set free from taking the rejection personally.  Not only did the Holy Spirit speak to me clearly and tell me it is Christ in me that is being rejected and I am not to take it personally, he told me to leave them be and move forward with him.  Then he told me I really am not leaving them, they already left me by their refusal to grant time in their presence...in me leaving now, it simply meant I was moving forward, finally.  Moving forward 'In Christ'.... a "MUST DO"!

When I released my two children and four grandchildren and moved forward in obedience to the Holy Spirit, the burden lifted and the tears stopped.  He healed my heart and helped me to move forward.  I can honestly tell you that when it was their birthday I did not sit home and cry or feel sorry for myself because I was not celebrating with them.  My focus was on what God's plan was for me that day.

There was a time when I would mail a card with money but I decided I do not want to be known as the Grandma that sends money.  I want a relationship where I can look into my children, and my grandchildren's faces....a relationship whereby I can impart wisdom God gave me.  Not preach at them, but deposit everything the Holy Spirit tells me to say.  I have been robbed of doing that and although I led the oldest of my four grandchildren to the Lord, it is a heartache to know the others are not in church, nor are their parents, although the parents are born again.  I pray.  Many Grandmother's can do that quite well...

My perspective is more extreme than many because of not seeing family...  Yet, when I learn of a family where there is a missing child, I have compassion; or a family grieving over an accident victim...compassion rises up.  Also if I hear someone is in prison.  Why? Because I know the pain of "gone; empty; void; rejection; dishonor; condemnation; dysfunctional family; call it what you will, it hurts bad!  

Noone can live with such pain and not reach out for help.  Thankfully I reached out to God and He gave me a reason for living and healed my broken shattered heart.  In fact, He has done so many times.  I wrote a song stating that God 'Specializes'....'in healing broken hearts'.  I know because He has healed mine so many times.  Thank God I did not turn to drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism.  God has blessed me beyond words can say to show appreciation.

It is one thing for children not to honor their parents.  It is another thing if the parents go the wrong direction in an effort to silence the inner pain and heartache.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  It is not flesh and blood I am fighting....but spiritual wickedness in high places.  The Bible tells me so and I believe the Word of God.  It is only because of Jesus Christ that I have been able to have joy within regularly even though many lives are in array.  My faith is in Him and since God honors His Word I continue to proclaim restoration of family to the glory of God.  There are a lot of hurting people in this world.  I choose to be one of the 'healed'.  It IS possible because Jesus lives!!  He touches my heart daily, without fail.  He can touch your heart too.  Ask Jesus to touch you right now....  He will. 


This is of course not the most cheerful blog, but it is gut wrenchingly true and there are people out there God will bring to read it that need to see this perspective.  You need to read this to help you rise above your adverse circumstances.  Recognize how the enemy has attacked your family and realize they are not the enemy!  I pray God helps you learn how to rise above all adversity, forgive, forgive, and forgive some more.  Leave vengeance in His hands.  He does a good job, better than your best so I urge you to trust Him.  


Not only forgive, but move forward.  Do not sit idle, complacent, rise up from mediocrity as you take charge of your life again.  Victims need not remain victims.  The decision is yours.  You are not in it alone, the hand of the Lord Jesus Christ is reaching out to you with love and compassion.  Reach back with confidence in him....faith in the God that created you.  If anyone knows how to turn things around and work it together for your good as well, God does.  (Romans 8:28)

For the Dad's and Mom's who find it difficult packing those lunches for kids, figuring out what to buy that they will eat....what clothes to buy that they will wear willingly....how to discipline effectively....how to make ends meet.....how to help with homework, projects, etc.... not to mention the temptations students encounter at school.... be glad for the opportunities you have every single day to impart to those children.  As you wipe fingerprints away be thankful to have seen them.  Some day the windows may stay shiny and clean....minus the memories...so rejoice in the midst of all the business and know that you ARE making a difference in the lives of 'people' who God has an incredible plan for...each one of them in fact.  Persevere, it will be worth it all on graduation day, etc.   Not to mention when you cross the finish line to Heaven and hear:  "Well done...".  Your daily investments are kept track of by God... :-)))


By now you know my blogs are not daily...rather they are triggered at all hours.  It is 2:50 a.m. and God is not letting me go to bed until I get this one posted so it is thrilling for me to know someone will receive help.  Any suffering I go through is never in vain when my trust is in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Same goes for you so get eyes off self, and back on Jesus.  He will see you through too.  If you are waiting for restoration of family, wait with expectation, faith, and simultaneously move forward in Christ.  It is a:  MUST DO.  No fence sitting while waiting.  Laborers are few.  Ask God where He wants to use you.  He talks, He will tell you and confirm it.  Be blessed and be obedient.  God honors obedience and is faithful always.  Pray too... It works!!
Not necessarily when....you think, but the Holy Spirit IS doing a work in the hearts of those you pray for.  Read Galatians 6:9 "Let us not be weary in well doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not."  God bless you.

P.S.  To the lady who posted the tweet that God used to trigger this post....thank you because your tweet inspired more hope that there ARE families that live as such.  The picture your words painted was inspiring indeed.  Thank you.  Glory to God. He is doing a work in all of us.  Smile...you've been touched by God, and me...I am going to sleep now...total peace that passes all understanding.  Thank God...He is sooooooo good.  Always and Forever!!



Written By: Linda Lou Jones
                      PS.45:1 My tongue is the pen
                      of a ready writer.
                      Glory to God